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Monday 7 April 2014

Driven

I write
To say
That I am attracted

Yet
In truth
Your infinite magnetism

Wrenches
At my
Molten core

I write
To say
That I am swayed

Yet
In truth
Your uninhabited distraction

Calls me
To the Mount
Of Evermore

I am drunk
Although
Not by alcohol

I am drugged
Although
Not by illicit narcotics

I am crazy
Although
Not by illness fever

I move towards that place
Where no-one
Will love me

Bounded
By doubt, that
Someone else is rocking

Lost
In head
& heart & soul

I fear
Irresponsibility
Locking itself down within me

All that I have been
I am
Again becoming

All that I have seen
Hey, listen to the
Spanish guitars strumming

The warmth
The light
The incidence of fright

In the sweated nights
Of imaginary
Loving

It is as if
With a thousand lashes
I desire to go self beating

It is as if
All my previous shallowness
Is seeking a way out

My shallowness
My years of self deceiving
Are pleading for a way out

I won’t keep you at bay
As, I thought, you
Kept me at bay

Over all those mountains
Of forgiveness
I will forgive you

Yet it’s true
That I could not
Share you

& it’s true
That the truth
Will still be true

I dare not think
Of a time together
Never in my mind

Have I had
So many things
To try undo

Wherever then
You seek total commitment
I will be on the sidelines

Some intermittent thankful recipient
Of the incremental rites
Inside the human zoo

Such small crumbs
Are all I need
To continue my journey

Small crumbs
To encourage me
To be on my way


This is a poem from Vagaries:
Love of The Key to Room 149
Available as ebook from Kindle
or as a homemade print book and audio cd from  poetryshop