BBB Poem 65

Love, at its worst
In your tear stained, tear filled eyes
In your wavering, quivering small voice
In your entire abandonment of hope

Love, which had tore into you
Without disguise, or mask
Without certainty, or promise
Without regard for pain

And now here you are
With your love being unrequited
With barriers drawn, yet
With doors left ever so slight ajar

Daring you to repeat yourself
Encouraging you to repeat the performance
In this way he shows his weakness
In this way he shows his love, at its worst

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BBB Poem 64

I don’t have the tears
I don’t carry that hollow feeling within me
I don’t go out into the night, or out into the day
With the total loss of loss for companion

Instead I have an understanding
I have reconciled myself to the facts
Yes I do still occasionally indulge sadness
But twelve years down the line life is easier

Of course the writing helps; it is healing
It is cathartic, it is therapeutic
And yes, I have to tell you, I must tell you
That just now and then, it stops me in my tracks

Sends me off in the search of past times
(For I know there to be no future)
All of my life being lived again
In no more than a few remembered moments

I don’t have the tears
But see you can’t help yours
I feel for your desperation
Your hollowed out core

I see that you want to wander
Wilful into the night
Carrying the unbearable weight
Of your loss with you

I have only a sideline understanding
I do try to tease out a few facts, words such
That I might pin on some assistance
To propel you, re-energised, into the turmoil

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BBB Poem 63

Escape to pure indulgence
Awake to a fresh frame of mind
Certain of the uncertainties
Sure of the insecurities

The clearer the put down
The more conscious the response
The calmer the attempt at closure
The more ferocious ones reaction

And with those few words
The here, and the now, becomes forever
Yet, with no lack of quaint absurdity
The past, and the future, are drawn together

What I am looking for at this time
Is something way more impenetrable
Say like a fortress castle wall
Ten feet thick and then some

Then, with the safety of pure resilience
To stake a claim to become ruthless
Pertain to a clearer opportunity
Shaming, shaking your impunity

Hard knocks, are harder to call
Brick blocks, they build the wall
Close doors, to witness the stroll
Dust on floors, ask cameras to roll

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BBB Poem 62

I smell the lavender
In the heel repair balm
As I massage after bathing
My mind instantly springs
To you know who
With no call at all
For those way slower
Neural thought processes

I run my fingers over
The roll of decorators lining paper
On the dining table
My mind instantly springs
To my draughtsmanship days
With just a shadow of a sidestep
To the girl, or young woman
In the printing department

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BBB Poem 61

I sit still, and look out of the window
I see the settled stillness of nature
Flowers, and bushes, and trees, and sky
I see layers, and layers
Layers of variegated colours
Yellows, and oranges, and reds, and crimsons
Greys, and greens, and blues, and golds
I see all of this
As I watch a television arts programme
About Still Life
And I remember my own book
Branch Lines To The Silent
I recall its passage
To it becoming a physical object

I see the settled stillness of nature
And I remember a night of erotic passion
With the vicars daughter
I am reading Doctor Zhivago
I could be the renegade apprentice
I could be the striking railroad worker
I was in those episodes
I did those kinds of things
I lived that life, a little bit out of control
It was the wildness
The wildness before the stillness

I gently unbuttoned
Her see-through blouse, caressed
Her delightful, if somewhat diminutive, breasts
She showed me
How to lubricate a Durex gossamer
We made love
Leaning against, and looking into
Into the open castle window

We made love again, down in the town
Behind the gasometer
In earshot of the dancehall
The flowers, the bushes, the trees
And the sky, all still
I saw layers, and layers
Layers of variegated colours
Purples, and pinks, and rouges, and violets
Whites, and silvers, and rubies, and vermilions

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