Handouts

It was the not understanding which saved me
The not understanding protected me through my life

I did not understand what it meant to fall in love
Yet I fell in love, I fell in love over and over again

I did not understand why I had the heartbreak of love
Yet I fell headlong for that torment, time after time

I did not understand that words raise, and rile me
Yet I was raised, or riled, in almost equal measure

I did not understand that I didn’t care for everyone
Yet I did make swift decisions in both directions

I did not understand how to forgive and forget
Only now am I learning that practice

I did not understand
It is the best thing I ever did

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Observations

Do I look to be that man who seeks forgiveness
Or one who turns his compulsions into addictions
Do I seem to be that lost soul who now says:
Please show me the way, this time I will follow
Do I appear to be that untidy man who has lost hope
That is in the sense of tidying oneself up
Do I strike you as that strict person, who states
That all has been done correctly, for it is his way
Do I stand out as the onlooker, that waverer
Who does not know when to stand or sit
Do you believe me to be the non-believer
Who truly has no idea at all whether to sing or to pray

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Edict

How different might life have been
If love had not raised so many complications
Then, to be followed by the rules and stratagems
Tools to manage this fool’s fascinations

Right now I feel that democracy has run its course
For what sort of lover does democracy deliver
What kind of society does democracy consider
When its only financial model is capitalism

Fat cats get fatter in the survival of the fittest
No matter lean minds turn to mindfulness
And me, caught up in meditation, here in the middle
Indecisive; other than to choose, to do nothing at all

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Thinning Out

It was a sparse congregation
For Conventual Mass
Only eight in the pews
Myself included

And the large monk
Who in previous years
I thought to be unhappy
Well he was absent

I am unsure about Compline this evening
For it is in the Chapter House
An altogether uninspiring room
With an even less engaging seating plan

It makes me wonder if the monks
Are taking the opportunity
To regress from the openness of the Abbey
Into the enclosement of the Chapter House

I for one certainly hope not
For whilst I am neither a believer
Nor even a regular visitor
I am enchanted by the setting, also the acoustics

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Vision

I saw you my love
In that light on the red velvet
Above and beyond the organists silhouette

I saw your gentleness
I saw your soft skin
I wished to love you, to love you tenderly

I saw your strong will
Your irrevocable spirit; also your strong defiance
I should not always ask that you join me

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