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Monday 23 January 2023

Non-Visual Displays

No more five AM departures

No more falling asleep at the wheel

During the four hour drive

To the south-coast workplace


Yes, the consultant told me

That the damaged thumb nail

Was a sign of trauma

Either physical, or psychological


I though have no memory of such events

Some things you see

Are often easily discarded

Whilst others just go on and on and on


What do you see in me

What do I see in you

What does someone else see

In a linkage about to be broken


No more five AM departures

Yet still falling asleep at the wheel

Caught up by the tiredness

Caught up in those dreams of yesteryear



Sunday 22 January 2023

Foreword Part 4

My partner does not want me to write the 2004 words in our Monday Morning Writers Café. She wonders if I am craving for my ex, or hankering after my past life.

I tell her that absolutely that is not the case, but I do understand what she says when she says that she could be hurt by listening to my story, especially with our friends in the group, sat there alongside us.

Once the sun rose at four-thirty, once my heart skipped a beat; I will write this book, somehow to make worthy, or re-engender, the poems of my shuffling feet.

Mark Zuckerberg launched Facebook in 2004, on my birthday, the 4th of February to be precise; nothing much else happened on that day, no photographs, no poetry, indeed no poems for another month.

I must look back into the boxes, surely I wrote something, though I have never put dates on my handwritten notes, I don’t know why, an early maladroit oversight; but once begun, forever kept up to.

The next photographs are in March, family snaps at home; by chance there is one of my favourite photographs - my ex is by the fire, possibly lighting the fire, on the television screen beside her, is a message which reads: Lost at Sea.

A perfect example I think of how it sometimes is good to both show and tell; it often adds to the articulation, in this instance it is right on the money, for me it is truly most effective.

There is a poem called Brussels, but I don’t remember going there in 2004; I did go three years later for my MA dissertation, I wrote poetry about art, about art in the cathedral, about art in the Musee des Beaux Arts.

The poem talks about the price of Drum tobacco in duty-free; now I have never been a fan of roll your own, when I did smoke it was king-sized filter tip - Peter Stuyvesant, or Camel Light.

So, if if I was looking to buy the loose stuff it must have been for someone else, maybe as a gift, or a warning.

I have chosen not to give up on this book, it is after all the final year before my relationship came apart for the last time, before finally coming to an end.

Might I see some signs; did I miss out on what was going on, or what was not going on.

In any event it is I who will raise the questions, also most likely it is I who will posit the answers.

Answers, such as they might or might not continue to be; let us hope occasionally the questions and answers are congruent.

The quotation at the front of the book is taken from Jonathan Stedall’s poem Trust, which is from his collection No Shore Too Far.



Saturday 21 January 2023

Morning

Flickering leaf

Your life so small

A cloud for backdrop


Grey turning to gold

Bringing the morning

Breeze blown streams


Beside you the tree, the tree is already bare

Slimmed down to a minimal load

For the winter ahead


Blues, pinks

Wander over the skyline

Shepherd’s warning red sky morning


Still like a skeleton

Magnificent from branch to branch

Closing down for another year


No nests to survive, just you and the sky

With your friend in the foreground

Still covered in leaf


Every cloud has a silver lining

In this early sunrise morning

Bewitched by the gaze of the pink, of the blue


Light glorious light

From where once again

Your pleasure never stops calling


The Levels and the Mendips

Under water-born dew

Natural friendships; oaks, sycamores, sunlight


Shadows cast across the canal

Into the orchard, seeking out

The laws of relative relativity


Rising by the metre

Rising by the mile

Over railway-lines, over radio-waves


The horizon becomes the centre

Settling a balance into the work

The low trees red leaves are waking


The cold grass

Aglow with sprinkled sunshine

Pathways wandering in the waves of fall


Warmth rising

From between the space and the time

From betwixt the here and the now




Friday 20 January 2023

Foreword Part 3

There is one thing certain about my poetry; it is not a reliable guide to either time or place; the poems often spring from memories; deep, or shallow memories.

Yes, I may remember a scent, or a dust mote, but to tell you where, or to tell you when, well then things get a bit sketchy.

My desire for ambiguity steps to the fore; the need to cover one’s tracks, the absolute desire to prevent anything literal being taken from, or read into, my words of escape.

Will it always be thus? It may always be thus, except in those moments of overwhelming weakness, or in those moments of seriously, blindingly mindful awareness.

In 2004 I was working on site in Taunton, also at the head office in Wolverhampton; frequently I had to visit sites on the Dorset coast, and contribute to team building in Yorkshire and Warrington, but I was able to work Fridays in Devon, from our home.

Since 2000 I had spent more nights away from home than I had spent at home; I had become used to the itinerant life; what should my partner do when I was away from home; surely she deserved a life.

I don’t recall that we spoke too much, not like in our formative years, when my partner often told me that I was the only person who she could talk to on the telephone without clock watching.

What is it that causes the words to dry up, what prevents the humour filled ripostes, what takes away the joy of meaningful, and meaningless conversations.

Is it too much to ask a couple to be continuously switching their lives on and off; is continuity the real bedrock of companionship, even, dare I say it of love.

The place I used to stay in Somerset is now an Air B&B establishment, though its description is exactly as I remember it, with the same strict rules for breakfast.

I would have liked to have lived in that house, it was designed and built by an architect who lived there; he seemed to have put all of the right things in all of the right places.

It was more than a home from home, it was a retreat, a place for contemplation, for solace; yet it was an indulgence, perhaps I should have gone home more often than I did, for after all home was only two hours drive away.

When I first came back to the UK from Jersey I stayed in lodgings in Devon, right beside the train line; every night I would go to telephone my partner from the telephone box on the railway bridge.

Then I would return to my bedroom, lay on the bed, listen to the trains going up country, or coming down from London, on their way to Plymouth and beyond.

In the Mendips and on the Somerset Levels I did the same thing, although now I could hear from further away, for there was less urban sprawl to dull the sounds of the trains.

I hope not to overload you with old poetry, but I do so so want to give you a feel for how I felt about this B&B (and maybe about other things too) with my poem Morning




Thursday 19 January 2023

She was here

She was here

So very near

Her image clear

Then she's gone, she’s gone among


She sees you

So very true

Your life is her life

Then you're gone, you've gone among


The children grew together

Then they grew apart

Until life stopped forever

Unspoken broken hearts


Seeing was believing

Believing the feelings disturbed

Feelings, ceilings, broken open

Space, place, beings, being observed


The adults pulled together

Then they pulled apart

Dreaming of living forever

Then breaking their already broken hearts


Travelling for ever

Travelling to nowhere near

The destination becoming clear

Approaching here, approaching anonymity


Touch is the insurmountable cost

Itself lost in numbness, itself lost in fear

Guiding hands, comfort hugs, lost by the victims

Nothing’s left, only the emptiness is sincere


Tranquility was a passing moment

Sensuality was the togetherness missed

Rebirth brought salvation

Hope eternal sprang around them everywhere


The kiss everyone remembered

The missing memory of bliss

The family tribe is no longer mentored

The story is mine through sheer remiss