33

What I didn't make up I didn't make up, what brought the tears was that I didn't know how

What I hadn't said I hadn't said, what brought the arrears was that that I didn't know how

Into the light and into the shadow, both so strong you wouldn't know how

Into the air and into the meadow, both so desirous you wouldn't know how

If you could feel the stillness, say it, all without words, would that you, wouldn't know how

If you could bask without ever feeling the needing, if you could but you, wouldn't know how

available on kindle

32

I wake, from the sight and sound of stripping wallpaper, I know where the bedroom is but I won't bore you with the detail, suffice to say that in my half-sense stupor I feel to be in that place as I get out of bed.

I recognise that I am doing something which makes the maximum impact for the minimum effort, my heart isn't in the task and I leave it, as most things, half-completed.

available on kindle

31

I have given something up, or rather had it taken from me

I haven't found a replacement and know not what I am looking for

My own gentleness is fading amongst all the gentleness that surrounds me

Belligerent and bombastic are two words to describe my current way of going on

It's not what anyone wants, not that I know what anyone wants

Other than I have the idea of a straight line, a clear sky

A dream of a quieter place with time for deeper reflection

Somewhere to be myself, to find something there to be true

available on kindle

30

Pitch black

Out of the windows

Turning slow to light

Tree branches wave

Wild in the wind

I felt excluded

Set out to be set alone

Unable to soften

Unable to reach you

Intolerably awkward

Disingenuous

How to salvage compassion

Or best to pass on the baton

All of this before

The rains came

And the music played

All of this before

The tea and the toast

And a warm bath

available on kindle

29

What then

With a new beginning

What then

With no end in sight

What then

With no purpose given 

What then

For fight or flight

Pages and pages

Books of blank paper

Thoughts and thoughts

Finding hopes of continuity

Ages and ages

Searching is a right caper

Noughts and noughts

Climbing ropes for security

What then

With a new halfway

What then

It's moving on, right

What then

If still squandering

What then

Of that second sight

available on kindle