Apprehensive, fearful
Unsettling emotions running wild
Call it what you will
Seems though it always comes upon me
Already today
I have printed the wrong sized paper
I have forgotten to attach
The attachment to the email
I don’t have the address, or the postcode
For where it is that I am going
I nearly ran into the gatepost
As I was reversing out of the drive
I did run into the kerb at the petrol station
And scuffed my alloy wheels
Now, I am here, in this utilitarian hotel bedroom
A long way from home
A long way from my destination
It is raining, heavily
So the cathedral visit (which I hope will calm me)
Will have to wait until tomorrow morning
Apprehensive, fearful
Unsettling emotions running wild
Call it what you will
Seems though it always comes upon me
Friday 18 October 2019
Thursday 17 October 2019
Last Look (Without Words)
Silhouette in the shadows
All those stymied
Doubt filled bones of distrust
Home for the dust motes in the cobwebs
Easily led to those disaffected
And unattested thoughts on the bedstead
The shadow, and the silhouette
Are mere motor-memories now
It is that time of clearer light
Becoming necessary to write the final chapter
The attempt for capture is over
The exodus finally delivered the sun
The rest of us must go on
Transcending the transference
Into the silence
The silent silhouette
The silent shadow
The silence which echoes
To the loss of those disaffected
To the cost of those unattested
And to that imposter, of the very one neglected
All those stymied
Doubt filled bones of distrust
Home for the dust motes in the cobwebs
Easily led to those disaffected
And unattested thoughts on the bedstead
The shadow, and the silhouette
Are mere motor-memories now
It is that time of clearer light
Becoming necessary to write the final chapter
The attempt for capture is over
The exodus finally delivered the sun
The rest of us must go on
Transcending the transference
Into the silence
The silent silhouette
The silent shadow
The silence which echoes
To the loss of those disaffected
To the cost of those unattested
And to that imposter, of the very one neglected
Wednesday 16 October 2019
Taken (Without Receipt)
My usual pew
On the back row
Has been reserved
Also
The bench, ahead of that one
Is similarly stamped
I determine to move
Nearer to the front
But decide against recording the proceedings
My initial quest then
For a suggest and response audio recording
Of the Buckfast Benedictine Monks is scuppered
Instead I am here for Compline
The final-minute bells are sounding
This is my new purpose
To feel the stillness
To immerse myself in the quiet
Before the misunderstood rituals begin
On the back row
Has been reserved
Also
The bench, ahead of that one
Is similarly stamped
I determine to move
Nearer to the front
But decide against recording the proceedings
My initial quest then
For a suggest and response audio recording
Of the Buckfast Benedictine Monks is scuppered
Instead I am here for Compline
The final-minute bells are sounding
This is my new purpose
To feel the stillness
To immerse myself in the quiet
Before the misunderstood rituals begin
Tuesday 15 October 2019
Doppelgänger (Without Trace)
Why shouldn't I imagine that I see you
Sat out, in the corner of the Lavender Garden
In conversation, on your mobile-telephone
How much hope can be destroyed
By those twin forces
Of human nature, and human nurture
Why wouldn't you, choose to sit there
In the most obviously noticeable area
Of this somewhat, considerably discreet location
And if I could listen in, to your words that is
Would I smile, with warm interest as I identified
Your libidinous turns of phrase
Or would I
Through clearer speech recognition
Realise how foolish I had been
To have thought of you, either as my lover
Or as you once wished it, as my friend
For all of those intervening years
Sat out, in the corner of the Lavender Garden
In conversation, on your mobile-telephone
How much hope can be destroyed
By those twin forces
Of human nature, and human nurture
Why wouldn't you, choose to sit there
In the most obviously noticeable area
Of this somewhat, considerably discreet location
And if I could listen in, to your words that is
Would I smile, with warm interest as I identified
Your libidinous turns of phrase
Or would I
Through clearer speech recognition
Realise how foolish I had been
To have thought of you, either as my lover
Or as you once wished it, as my friend
For all of those intervening years
Monday 14 October 2019
Cart Track (Without Refrain)
I kick the leaves
Not knowing
Whether to laugh
Or to cry
Not knowing
Whether to be happy
Or to be sad
And so I look back on my life
For signs
Of some achievement
Not knowing
If, to feel
Is not itself sufficient
I watch the leaves
Which fall onto the cart track
The cart track
Which climbs up the hill
To the five-bar gate
The five-bar gate
Which I feel
To have always, yes always
Simply to have straddled
Not determining
For one side
Nor neither, for the other
Not knowing
Whether to laugh
Or to cry
Not knowing
Whether to be happy
Or to be sad
And so I look back on my life
For signs
Of some achievement
Not knowing
If, to feel
Is not itself sufficient
I watch the leaves
Which fall onto the cart track
The cart track
Which climbs up the hill
To the five-bar gate
The five-bar gate
Which I feel
To have always, yes always
Simply to have straddled
Not determining
For one side
Nor neither, for the other
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